Letting Go...Again

I spent much of the weekend confused. Wondering if Abby was out of remission, or if she had ever been in remission, would she be okay, would I be okay, etc. The little lump on her foot between two of her toes had looked like a new little toe when I found it. It even seemed to have a teeny tiny little toe nail on it. I'm not kidding, I showed Mike and he agreed. It was strange - I started calling it her new toe. I guess anything can happen, right? But dogs don't usually grow new toes. I debated whether it could have been there for a while (or ever?) and we hadn't seen it until now (one reason is that I don't cut her back toenails - ever.) Mike didn't think that was likely, though. So I decided to do a meditation on the new toe, since I wasn't going to rush her into the vet over the weekend anyway. So I imagined that I was able to vaccuum all of the weird toe cells and any other strange cells in the area into the little teeny toe nail. Once that was accomplished, I imagined that I could shut down all blood flow to the new toe - I cut the lines and then capped them off. Then the new toe would have all the unwelcome cells in it and no blood flow and it would just fall away.

The meditation helped me somehow and relaxed me - whether or not it did anything for Abby is another story. I was gone all day on Saturday and then most of Sunday, too. I had not seen Abby licking at her foot and Mike hadn't either, so that was good. I looked at the new toe on Sunday evening - and it was gone. Yup, gone. There is a small reddish area where the lumpy new toe was, but no more lumpy toe. I've checked several times and it's still gone. I wondered if maybe it was ulcerating, like her original sore, but the area does not seem to be getting bigger or worse - maybe even getting a little better. I'm not saying it won't come back or couldn't still cause a problem, but hey, we never know, right? So, I'm letting go again. Letting go of the fact that we might have more lumps in our future. Letting go of the fact that we have to take things day by day. Letting go of the possiblity of more drugs or supplements or surgeries or other stuff. Just letting it all go - again...