Eating A Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Abby just ate a piece of grilled cheese sandwich left over from lunch. To some of you this is not earth shattering news, but to us this is a pretty good way to end the day.

So...We Wait

Abby's ALT level was about 1000, normal is less than 200. So, it's high. As the last post stated, though, the ALT value can be quite high and not indicate a decline in liver function. My conversation with the oncologist today resulted in a decision to wait two weeks and test Abby's enzyme levels again either next week or the week after to make sure that they are coming down. If they are coming down, then we consider restarting the chemo in conjunction with the liver protective drug.

So...we wait. Abby's lesson for me through all this appears to be - let go. And then let go some more. And then let go some more. Let go of Abby - we can't hold her here anyway. Let go of the test values. Let go of agonizing over decisions made or unmade. Let go of always trying to do the right thing. Let go of worry. Let go of expectations. Let go of progress. Let go of stability. Just let go.

And then do it again.

Sky High

ALT value, that is. Off the charts. ALT is a liver enzyme that indicates injury to the liver when it is detected at a high level in the blood. The good news is that ALT levels can be very high and be essentially meaningless because they may not indicate any change in liver function. This was a not unexpected event, since it is a known side effect of lomustine, since lomustine is processed by the liver. Usually, the liver recovers between doses, but sometimes it doesn't. So we did not get Abby's third dose of chemo yesterday and we are on hold until we get a valid number for the ALT reading - it was literally off the charts of their equipment, so they sent a sample to an outside lab. At that point we decide whether to continue with chemo (reduced dose, in conjunction with a liver protecting drug, etc.) or whatever else the options are.

Surprisingly, I was not surprised by this result. I "knew", you might say... So, now Abby is not eating much of anything - whether it is all suspicion that we've hidden disgusting things in all her food or if she truely has no appetite, we aren't sure. She did eat some kibble last night and a few scraps of chicken, with our convincing - oh and she chowed on a half of a carrot. Today she had the crust piece from a loaf of bread and a few pieces of kibble (unfortunately I forgot to get carrots at the store). I gave her her supplements in peanut butter at mid-day and it wasn't too painful. She didn't eat them, but the peanut butter stuck them together and made them harder for her to spit out, in addition to tasting pretty good. Altogether, not too bad. Otherwise, Abby is acting pretty normally, maybe a little subdued, but still trotting and chasing things in the woods, she barked me into the house this evening, and was humping Jinxie last night.

So, we wait to hear from the oncologist tomorrow...

Tonight

So, I got frustrated trying to give Abby her pills tonight and yelled. Immediately felt sorry. I was mad at everything (too many damn pills, cat with urinary tract infection, undone chores, etc.) Everything except Abby - whom I yelled at. She, of course, instantly forgave me. Another thing I hope to learn from Abby. Immediate and complete forgiveness. Still learning...